Amy Schumer is off the market, fellas.
Schumer married Chris Fischer in a private ceremony this week. For those that don’t know Fischer, he is a chef. Congratulations to Amy on marrying a man who is always going to cook her meals so she can keep raking in the dough. I mean that sincerely. A chef is the best person to marry because you get to eat amazing food every night without spending hundreds of dollars and you don’t have to do any of the cooking. She doesn’t even have to tip the guy because she’s sleeping with him.
Famous people in attendance included Larry David, Jennifer Lawrence, Chelsea Handler, Jennifer Aniston and David Spade. Ay, four out of five ain’t bad.
The two have not been dating long, at least, not in the public eye. November 2017 is when they were first spotted together, having dinner at New York City’s Cafe Altro Paradiso. I guess even chefs need to eat out sometimes.
Schumer also took to Instagram to let fans know that she’s not pregnant. So this is real love. Not a shotgun wedding.
Congratulations to the happy couple. This feels like a celebrity marriage that will last because one isn’t a celebrity. Then again, the other is Amy Schumer. I heard she’s a bit of a train wreck.
Still, congratulations to the happy couple. And if you have wedding fever, Jennifer Lawrence, my DMs are open.