ESC

Florida Mayor Proposes Trading Speed Bump for a Little Bump and Grind

Oh Florida, why do crazy things always happen inside of you? It’s almost as if people who choose to live in an alligator-infested swamp have bad judgement. Today’s story of intrigue, politics and sexual harassment from The Sunshine State comes to you in the form of perhaps the lowest-stakes political quid pro quo in history. Palm Beach Post is reporting that a Lantana resident alleges the mayor offered to put speed bumps in her neighborhood in exchange for sex.

Palm Beach Post showed a picture of the woman, Catherine Padilla, holding a hand-made sign that read “slow down” on the side of the road, so my first thought was that she misunderstood him when he drove by and yelled “suck my dick, idiot.” But the truth is so much more hilariously banal.

Catherine Padilla and Stewart became friendly about five years ago from Kiwanis Club meetings, she said. She said the motel incident happened when she was working to get her neighborhood speed bumps around 2014 and 2015. Padilla said they attended a Kiwanis meeting the day of the motel visit. She said after they drove to lunch together in Stewart’s work vehicle, Stewart pulled into a motel parking lot. Padilla said she told him “no” and they left the lot.

However, she said the behavior continued. Before the meeting where the Town Council was to vote on whether to pay for the speed bumps, Stewart called her saying it wasn’t too late to sleep with him to guarantee her neighborhood would receive the safety measure, she said. Padilla said she again told him “no.”

There’s basically no limit to how little power someone actual needs in order to try to leverage it to get laid. We’ve all heard about what Harvey Weinstein did, using his influence as a movie producer to make or break careers based on what actresses could stomach having him on top of her, but there are definitely guys who have gotten a blowjob in exchange for letting someone buy a pair of shoes with their employee discount. Putting in a speed bump is definitely on the Payless Shoes end of the scale.

This also sounds like the plot of a porn movie from back when porn movies had plots. It has a real “Gee, mister pizza delivery man, I can’t find my wallet, isn’t there any way me and my sorority sisters can pay you” vibe to it. I’m hoping that it comes out this story involved some kind of cheesy porn line in it. Something like “If you want a speed bump, you’re going to have to show me your lady lumps,” or “I’ll give you your bumps if I can get some grind.”

[Photo by RoadTrafficSigns.com]

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