Geniuses at Apple Are Routinely Walking Into Glass Doors

If your Apple Watch or Macintosh laptop has a problem, you probably know to take it to the Apple Store, where their tech support people, known as “Apple Geniuses,” will troubleshoot and service it for you. Calling your employees geniuses was never the best idea, but it’s become hilariously ironic with the news that employees at Apple’s futuristic new headquarters keep walking into the glass walls and doors Apple installed.

The “dumbass walks into a glass door” bit is so hack that it was on Two and a Half Men before Charlie Sheen went all AIDS-crazy and tried to strangle Chuck Lorre or whatever. I don’t expect the people designing cutting-edge hardware and software to be walking into glass walls; that’s the kind of behavior I expect from birds. But it is apparently a widespread problem inside the new building.

Seven people were injured walking into glass walls on the first day. Seven people who design iPhones and iPads and make the software that runs them at one of the largest tech companies on the planet are walking into glass doors like they were in a Three Stooges short. And not one of the good ones, one of the ones with Joe Besser. That’s right, Apple employees, I’m officially ranking you at sub-Shemp level.

Marketwatch reported that it might actually be illegal to let your employees bounce off glass walls all day:

While the issue might seem humorous, there are workplace regulations that Apple could be violating. California law requires that “employees shall be protected against the hazard of walking through glass by barriers or by conspicuous durable markings,” but the company has not been subject to citations, according to U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration data. If Apple was found to violate the law, it could be subjected to fines and other measures to ensure the company addressed the problem, according to a spokeswoman from the California Department of Industrial relations.

I put a little piece of scotch tape on my sliding glass doors to keep birds from flying into it, so maybe that will work for your team of highly-educated corporate employees, Apple. Just make sure that after you solve this problem no one leaves a bunch of rakes lying around in the parking lot.

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