Kevin Smith Almost Died Trying to Hide His Small Dick

For a guy who built a career on dick jokes, Kevin Smith is apparently afraid of people seeing how small his dick is. In a Facebook video he posted about his heart attack and recovery, he talked about how he was trying to bargain with the hospital worker who was trying to shave his groin before he went to surgery to avoid having him see his dick. Smith said he had a small dick in a video watched by over a million people, so I think the cat is out of the bag now. Maybe he can try some stem cell injections.

Smith also talked about things other than his small dick, like Chris Pratt praying for him. I thought it was a little weird Pratt was so religious, but Pratt seems like such a nice guy, I don’t see how it could actually bother you, even if you’re not religious. Apparently some people were bothered though, and Smith addressed it by saying thanks to Pratt and saying fighting over stuff like that is “a waste of time.” Pratt was just trying to be nice, like he always is. Smith also said “It’s not like Chris Pratt was like ‘move over, I’m gonna reach my hands into his chest and save fuckin’ Silent Bob’s life myself!'”

Smith mostly seems like himself, even mentioning that he didn’t think bargaining with god would work after he made Dogma, adding “I thought about my parents and how they raised me and my brother and my sister and my friends and my wife and my kid and this weird wonderful career that I’ve had. I was content. I didn’t want to die but I was like ‘Well, if the ferryman comes tonight, I got to pay him. What a ride it’s been.’”

He said his one regret when he thought he might die is that he wouldn’t get to make Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, but now that he’s got a stent he’ll get to do it, though he won’t be able to direct The Goldbergs‘ season finale, which films this week. All in all it seems like Kevin is going to be okay, he says he feels a lot better with his blockage unblocked and blood flowing through his veins again. Hopefully he has a long life full of dick jokes ahead of him.

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