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North Korea’s ‘Army of Beauties’ Invade the Winter Olympics

By February 12, 2018

If you’re like me, you tuned out of the Winter Olympics right around the second you heard NHL players wouldn’t be playing for their national teams in South Korea. Hockey and curling are really the only events worth watching anyway, but I’m not incredibly interested in watching a bunch of players who couldn’t cut it in the bigs, especially since the Russians won’t even have a team.

There is a draw, though, because even though the unified Korean women’s hockey team is terrible, North Korea sent nearly three hundred cheerleaders, dubbed the “Army of Beauties.” I had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming when I first saw them because literally all of my dreams involve 200 of the most beautiful women in Korean performing synchronized cheers. But it is real, and this sort of display is nothing new for North Korea, the most theatrical ruthless dictatorship in the world. You don’t see Tajikistan pulling out the stops like this.

It’s impressive. North Korea really loves these kinds of displays, the Kim dynasty is clearly theatrical. Speaking of which, there was a minor incident when some people thought that the masks the cheerleaders wore when singing a song sung by a man looked like a young Kim Il-Sung, the first dictator of North Korea and Kim Jong Un’s grandfather.

Jesus, does being a communist dictator destroy your genes or something? He is a handsome man, something you wouldn’t guess by looking at his son or grandson.

The North Korean cheerleaders even won praise from American speedskaters Lana Gehring and Maame Biney, who gave comments to USA Today.

“Oh my god, it was awesome,” said Gehring. “They were just doing their little chants and flag waves. I have never seen that before. And their (songs) are so in sync it is like they’ve been practicing them for years.”

“They are really beautiful,” added Biney. “I really liked it.”

Also attracting a lot of attention at the winter games was Kim Yo Jong, the sister of Kim Jong Un, who attended with the North Korean delegation and is the first member of the Kim family to visit South Korea since the end of the Korean War.

After American Vice-President Mike Pence decided to take a knee when the Korean delegation enered the stadium, which by his own logic was an insult to South Korean veterans of the Korean War, Kim Yo Jong has basically made North Korea look reasonable and tolerant in comparison to the Trump administration. So, you know, good job, Pence.

Diplomacy and international relations aren’t a zero-sum game, but how bad at it do you have to be to be completely blown out by North Korea?

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