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Amazon Is Making Drones That Can Communicate with People, What Could Go Wrong?

Amazon is teaching its fleet of drones to understand human body language in order to deliver packages more efficiently and to prepare for it’s eventual takeover of the world. Oh, you didn’t think that shit was coming? Someone needs to read cyberpunk novels, because “giant, beloved corporation makes drones that can understand humans” is chapter one of pretty much all of them.

Okay, so Amazon says that they’re just trying to deliver packages more efficiently, and idea isn’t exactly all that complicated. They’re just building a database of common gestures people make and telling the drone how to react to them. It’s impressive technology, but it isn’t exactly Skynet. Still, I’m not convinced they aren’t planning some sort of coup, because listen to what else the LA Times reported they’ve filed patents for.

Since unveiling its plans to develop an air delivery service, Amazon has applied for several ambitious patents that include the use of giant airships to serve as mobile, flying warehouses, and designs for drones that self destruct during an emergency.

You know who else filed patents for giant airships and exploding drones? Lex Luthor. I’m not saying that all tech billionaires are potential supervillains, I’m just saying that Jesse Eisenberg essentially played the same character in The Social Network and Batman v Superman.

Is anyone at all disturbed that a bookstore has become big enough to build the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier? By the way, I don’t keep making comic book references because I’m like one of those adults whose is constantly comparing politics to Harry Potter, I’m making comic book references because they’re literally the only form of media that has imagined a series of events this insane. Amazon has, in less that 25 years, gone from selling books out of a garage in Seattle to sending the Crimson Guard to find the Great Seal of Alaska.

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