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Greasy Businessman Donald Trump, Jr. Sent Bacon-Themed Pick-Up DMs to Model

Who would have thought that a guy named Donald Trump would be sleazy. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being sleazy in and of itself, but it’s not an admirable quality, and it’s the sort of thing that gets your wife to leave you. Especially if you’re asking models if their vaginas smell like bacon. What? Wait, back up.

Damn, even I am better at thirst-sliding into someone’s DMs than that. Of course, Trump may have honestly just been after the bacon.

The dude loves his bacon.

Christ, bacon is to boring white dudes what pumpkin spice is to basic bitches. I like bacon just fine with eggs and toast or on top of a cheeseburger, but I don’t become erect at the smell of it and use bacon-related entendres to hit on models on Twitter.

Of course, there are other reasons not to date Don Jr., bacon kinks aside.

Don should only be photographed next to Eric, it’s the only time anyone will refer to him as “the normal-looking one”.

Don’s divorce was the talk of Twitter writ large, not just his bacony fetishes.

Oh, but the topper here is have you seen Don and Vanessa’s wedding picture?

Jesus Christ, how many extra chromosomes does Eric Trump have? Don and Eric Trump look like the lackeys of the bully in an 80’s teen comedy. Ivanka’s pretty hot, though, no wonder her dad wants to fuck her.

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