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Matt Damon Moving to Australia to Escape Rednecks, Racists, and Incompetent Right-Wing Government

Matt Damon is unhappy with Donald Trump’s presidency and Page Six reports that the star is apparently moving to Australia to get away from it. I don’t think Matt Damon has done his homework because Australia elected Tony Abbott, a less competent version of George W. Bush, to be prime minister in 2013, until his own party threw him out and made Malcolm Turnbull prime minister. As prime minister he’s seen his deputy prime minister be forced to resign due to not being eligible to hold elected office and he’s continued to imprison refugees in inhumane conditions on Manus Island. But hey, he didn’t badmouth Chuck Todd so everything should be fine.

A source exclusively tells Page Six: “Matt’s telling friends and colleagues in Hollywood that he’s moving the family to Australia” because the activist actor disagrees with Trump’s policies. The president’s frequently butted heads with liberal Hollywood A-listers including Meryl Streep. The source added, “Matt’s saying the move will not impact his work — as he will travel to wherever his projects are shooting. He’s also telling friends he wants to have a safe place to raise his kids.” Damon has four children with wife Luciana Barroso.

I assume the whole “school shooting” thing is probably informing this decision, probably more than Trump. That has to be what he means by a “safe place to raise his kids” because otherwise everything in Australia is constantly trying to kill everyone that lives there. They have syphilitic bears that live in trees, spiders the size of SUVs, sharks in pretty much every body of water on the continent and the real danger, bogans as far as the eye can see.

Let me give you an idea of what life in Australia is like. Last August an Australian teenager made headlines when he went for a swim in Melbourne and emerged from the water bleeding profusely from his legs, bleeding that just wouldn’t stop. When I was talking to my Australian girlfriend about it, I said it was horrifying and she said “Oh, it’s just some sea lice, harden the fuck up, he’s fine”.

Australia is a beautiful country filled with wonderful people, but safe is the last thing I would call it. The dingoes really did eat that baby, you know. That’s a thing that happened, Meryl Streep didn’t make that up. The fact that people are moving from America to Australia to keep their children safe really proves just how massively our politicians from both parties have failed us in the States.

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3 Comments on "Matt Damon, Ben Affleck And HBO Reveals Winner Of ‘Project Greenlight’ Season 4"

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AussieDan
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The problem with common sense is that it isn’t that common anymore, as evidenced by the reaction’s to Matt’s completely common sense position.

All_Hoes_Are_Good_At_Math
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All_Hoes_Are_Good_At_Math
is not up to you Erik, to say which type of sexual misconduct was “not as bad” and to establish if Dylan Farrow’s allegations are or aren’t true. Mansplaining sexual abuse to women, and given massive yet not surprising extent of what the #mettoo movement has shown to us. is safe to say all of us have been a victim of in one way or another. So no, not Damon nor you can explain to us was is “not as bad”. The women CK harassed have had their careers and lives derailed by his behaviour that you guys see as… Read more »
BlakeA5
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Saying that bad acts are on a continuum isn’t controversial at all. Saying this?

“I think you can say that while also saying that maybe what Louis C.K. did wasn’t as bad or even that the allegations that Woody Allen molested Dylan Farrow probably aren’t true.”
Is complete horseshit. Louis C.K.’s shit is incredibly bad, and he completely deserves what’s happening to him. But above all, if you think that Woody Allen probably didn’t molest Dylan Farrow, you’re either completely misinformed (which at this point, for anyone in media, is gross negligence) or you’re a monstrous asshole. Period.

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