Australian Theater Plays Horror Movie ‘Hereditary’ Trailer Before ‘Peter Rabbit’

Yesterday was ANZAC (Australian and New Zealand Army Corps) Day in Australia and New Zealand, a national holiday honoring the soldiers of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps who fought in the Battle of Gallipoli during World War I. It’s sort of like Memorial Day in the U.S. and Remembrance Sunday in the U.K. And since it’s just before winter, when the weather in Australia goes from “hot as balls” to “still too hot for normal people but somehow my girlfriend is complaining about how cold it is,” it’s the perfect time to take the kids to the cinema for a nice children’s movie like Peter Rabbit.

Well, families in Perth were in for a shock as the Event Cinemas in Innaloo accidentally stuck a trailer for the horror movie Hereditary before Peter Rabbit, which I’m sure has traumatized these children for life. Normally, Australian children wouldn’t see someone completely covered in bugs and another man spontaneously bursting into flames unless they spent five minutes outside in December. Moviegoers described it as the most traumatic thing to happen to children in an Australian cinema since The Emoji Movie.

I’m going to be honest with you, I think these parents deserved to have their children traumatized. Peter Rabbit is just another in a long line of films and TV shows that can only be described as anti-human propaganda. Seriously, all Mr. McGregor wants to do is have a nice little walled garden, why is he portrayed as the villain for trying to keep that little freeloading rabbit out of it? He’s a human. The fact that he doesn’t just shoot the rabbits is a point in his favor. He’s British, they hunt foxes with dogs for no reason, you think anyone cares what happens to a rabbit that’s trying to steal your girlfriend?

It’s bad enough that shows like Westworld and Black Mirror seem to ask adults to root for killer robots over humans who are kind of jerks. We don’t need to be exposing our children to these ideas. Horror movie trailers are probably good for them in comparison. At least the horror movies portray the humans as the good guys and the non-humans as the bad guys. No one ever came out of Night of the Living Dead feeling sorry for the zombies, I’ll tell you that much. If nothing else, it’ll toughen them up and get them ready for a life spent living in Perth, where there’s just nothing to do except be bored and wish you were in Sydney or Melbourne. Frankly, the only way this could have worked out better is if the theater had instead accidentally ran a video explaining how to fucking merge in traffic, for Christ’s sake.

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