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Future Royal Meghan Markle Can’t Escape Her Jerry Springer Family

I’m not sure I really understand the fascination with the British royal family, especially in this day and age. The role of Sovereign is mostly ceremonial, the actual government is headed by the Prime Minister. There’s really no reason to care about anything the Royals get up to, and yet we’re constantly fascinated with them. You’re as guilty of this as anyone, I know you watched The Crown on Netflix.

If there was ever a reason to abolish the monarchy and make the U.K. a republic, it’s that Meghan Markle, one of the stars of Suits, is leaving and taking her television husband Patrick J. Adams with her, because princesses can’t act. If we work fast, we can have those two back on the lot in time for Suits season 8. Adams can’t even go and join the cast of Legends of Tomorrow, he’s already been killed by Eobard Thawne.

Despite her exit from Suits, Markle is a popular figure with almost everyone aside from her actual family and those weirdo white nationalists who are scandalized with the way she’s marrying Prince Harry while also being black. Some of them have even tried to convince themselves Markle is unattractive, which… c’mon bro, look at her.

Markle’s family, aside from her parents, have been famously bitchy about the attention and love she’s been receiving, and the latest person to come out of the woodwork to shit on the soon-to-be royal is her brother Thomas.

“She is giving the greatest ­performance of her life. She is acting phoney. Once she got into Hollywood she turned into a different person. She’s clearly forgotten her roots and her family.

“Maybe the normal American family she has is embarrassing to her because we’re not producers and executive producers.

“There’s a whole different side of her that has started to surface and it’s ugly to see.

“I’ve read that Meg wants to be like Diana. Diana was worshipped by everyone in the world. She was loved for the right reasons.

“That’s what Meg wants, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. She’s not genuine like Diana.”

That seems hurtful. Thomas seems to be angry that his sister didn’t say a word to him after he went to bat for her against her other sister, Samantha, accused her of being a crown-digger and only marring Harry for the title.

He said: “All I can say is like it all started with Samantha. That’s how I got involved in this, coming to Meghan’s defence.

“But trying to put a lid on Samantha and get her to be quiet backfired and started a rift of insults. It has torn my entire family apart.

“None of us has heard a word from Meg and what with all that has been said no longer do I speak to Samantha or my two sons. I had hoped Meg might have appreciated the support I gave but it’s meant nothing to her, it would seem.”

Ouch. Thomas went on to say he’s reached out at least three times to try and get back in touch with his sister, but she’s ignored all three attempts. Let’s just hope she doesn’t have him beheaded after the wedding. The royals can still do that, can’t that? They each get a few public beheadings still, surely.

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Wait… Meghan’s black? What percentage of white do you need to be in America before people start calling you white?

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