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Is Meryl Streep Going to Be Princess Leia?

Ever since Carrie Fisher died, there have been questions about how the role of Leia Organa would be handled in Star Wars: Episode Nine, especially after Luke Skywalker and Han Solo were killed off in the previous movies. Disney isn’t going to use special effects to put Fisher into the film like they did with Peter Cushing’s Grand Moff Tarkin in Rogue One, so Leia will either be written out of the series or recast.

Rumors have been spreading that Disney is thinking about casting Meryl Streep to replace Fisher as General Organa, seeing as how she’s Meryl Streep, she was friends with Carrie Fisher and played a character based on Fisher in Postcards From the Edge. And fans of the idea started a petition to encourage Disney in this direction, because if there’s one thing Disney, the owner of pretty much all entertainment is known for, it’s taking notes from ten thousand people on the internet about what to do with the blockbuster movie franchise they paid $4 billion for.

This is probably not going to happen for a number of reasons. The biggest one is that Meryl Streep is a big Hollywood star who gets a big Hollywood paycheck and Disney knows that the next Star Wars film could be 135 minutes of Harrison Ford straining to take an old man dump and they’d make a billion dollars on Han Solo’s triumphant return. There’s no incentive for Disney to actually make a good movie, as anyone who saw the first three Disney Star Wars films can attest to.

That said, if Disney doesn’t start making good Star Wars movies, people might stop seeing them. Eventually. Probably not anytime soon. I mean, since the original trilogy wrapped up, seeing a Star Wars film has been like someone telling you to come over and they’ll give you a blowjob, but when you get there they just stab you in the kidney. And this happens six times in a row, but when they send a text that says “this time I’ll give you a blowjob for real,” you’re still excited about it. Sure, getting stabbed in the kidney by Meryl Streep is a bit better, sure, but it’s still not what you were hoping for.

I have an idea for who to cast in the next Star Wars film, and Disney, you can have it free of charge: Billy Dee Williams. How do you even have a new Star Wars trilogy that brings everyone from the past back, from Luke Skywalker to the droid that blows up before Owen Lars buys R2-D2, and not have Lando Calrissian? It’s a travesty. Well, either that or Billy Dee is the only cast member from the original trilogy with the good sense to stay away from these Disney films.

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