ESC

NHL Wants Players to Stop Licking Each Other

The NHL is cracking down on licking opponents.

What?

Yes, Boston Bruins forward Brad Marchand has made a habit of licking opponents, so much so that the NHL has warned him to stop. Next time he does it, he’ll be assessed a two minute penalty.

After the game, Marchand defended his actions by saying, “I thought he wanted to cuddle. I just wanted to get close to him. He keeps trying to get close to me. I don’t know if he’s got a thing for me or what. He’s cute.”

Marchand’s nickname in NHL circles is “The Rat.” That pretty much tells you all you need to know about his reputation. He’s known for getting under the opponents skin by taking cheap shots, embellishing calls, and scoring big goals.

The scoring big goals part is the worst. Annoying players can be found in every sport. But annoying players who are really good and can hurt you on the scoreboard? That’s a double whammy.

The Bruins advanced to the second round of the NHL playoffs on Wednesday with a Game 7 victory over the Toronto Maple Leafs. Marchand had a goal and an assist in the game.

Marchand has a history of putting his lips to the face of other players. Here he is kissing Leo Komarov, the same guy he licked, earlier in the season.

These two just need to fuck and get it over with.

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