ESC

Woman Poops on Tim Hortons Floor, Flings It at Worker, Still Better Than Going to Starbucks Though

If you’re not familiar with Canada, Tim Hortons is kind of like a Canadian Dunkin’ Donuts, except people actually go there instead of Starbucks. It’s sort of a Canadian institution, to the extent that when How I Met Your Mother had an episode about Robin’s Canadian past being national news, they said everyone in Canada remembers what Tim Hortons they were in and what donut they were eating when they heard the news.

If you were in the Tim Hortons in Langley yesterday, maybe just chilling out and trying to make a Preistley by cramming a Timbit into a strawberry and vanilla, you were in for a nasty surprise.

Yikes. That’s a crazy lady taking a shit on the floor and throwing it at the employees after she was denied access to the restroom. I really hope that the other customers at least got some Timbits on the hoose after the incident.

As reported by the CBC, the woman was picked up by the Mounties and detained briefly, and they said she was “known to police,” meaning she’s probably a neighborhood crazy person. Tim Hortons issued their own statement on the event.

“In limited cases across the country, restaurants have a restricted access policy for restrooms to ensure the well-being of our guests,” said Tim Hortons in a written statement.

“Our current understanding is that the Team Member used their discretion in this case and denied access to this Guest based on past behaviour and out of concern for the immediate safety of Team Members and Guests in the Restaurant,” the statement read, adding that as matters escalated, staff called police.

“As matters escalated” is the best and only euphemism for “after this crazy person took a shit on the floor of our restaurant” that I have ever heard in my life. I have worked in a lot of stores and not one of them had a protocol for how to handle someone just dumping out on the floor and then throwing it at me. If I really followed my gut, I would punch my time card and walk out, honestly. That is high on the list of things I wasn’t paid enough to deal with.

This incident has probably put a crimp in the plans of Americans planning to move to Canada because they’re displeased with the results of a presidential election, a sentiment that comes up roughly every four years regardless of what happens. Sure, you get free health care and there’s virtually no gun violence, but there’s also ladies throwing poop at you, and who needs that?

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