Kate Upton Straps Down Her Ta-Ta’s

Maxim is apparently still a thing that exists, and the magazine has just put Kate Upton at the top of its 2018 Hot 100 list, which it says has “celebrated a bevy of powerful women” but I don’t remember ever seeing Nancy Pelosi on the list. Not even Kyrsten Sinema, the strikingly beautiful Arizona congresswoman who is both the first openly bisexual and openly atheist member of Congress.

She can chair my committee any day.

I digress, but it’s interesting to look at how Maxim is marketing itself in the age of Me Too as opposed to the sophomoric humor that made the magazine a success in the first place. Even in a photo shoot that’s basically just Kate Upton spilling out of her top, Maxim is really pushing an angle of female empowerment.

But perhaps no one has exuded Americana like this year’s winner, supermodel Kate Upton. Like her doppelgänger Marilyn Monroe, the 26-year-old is a blonde bombshell if there ever was one, complete with enviable curves, a sweet smile, and, remarkably, a good old-fashioned work ethic.

When told that she had nabbed the top spot on this year’s list, for instance, Upton, who is usually outspoken, tells Maxim in a very measured, soft voice, “You know, I work really hard on myself: on feeling good, working out, being strong. Being number one on the Hot 100 is a little reward for all of the hard work.”

I suppose the interview is a bit more interesting than just saying “look at these tiddies!” but, well…

I don’t think anyone is buying Maxim to hear about Kate Upton’s meal delivery service. Honestly, I’m not sure why anyone is buying Maxim at all when there’s Instagram and internet porn.

There, you didn’t even to go to the grocery store’s weird magazine section and deal with old ladies buying the Old Farmer’s Almanac to see that. The last photo is even in black and white, that basically makes it art.

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