Conor McGregor Defeats the Law by First Round KO

In the least shocking news of the day, Conor McGregor won’t serve any jail time for injuring multiple people in a bus attack. In case you don’t remember the kind of damage The Notorious One did, here’s a refresher:

McGregor and his crew were attempting to get at Khabib Nurmagomedov, who got into an altercation with McGregor’s teammate, Artem Lobov, earlier that week. The attack was premeditated as McGregor was not supposed to appear at the event, but jumped on a plane from Ireland to show up following the Khabib-Lobov staredown.

The former UFC double champion pled guilty to a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge. The felony charge was dismissed.

As punishment for costing his peers thousands of dollars and the UFC millions, he will serve five days of community service, pay for the damage he caused to the bus, and complete a one to three day anger management course.

Then, he’ll make millions by fighting Khabib in a sanctioned fistfight.

Outside the courtroom, McGregor read a prepared statement.

“I just want to say I’m thankful for the D.A. and the judge for allowing me to move forward. I want to say to my friends, my family, my fans, thank you for the support.”

At least he sounds remorseful.