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Gwyneth Paltrow’s ‘Goop’ Is Getting a Fact-Checker, Will Soon Be Replaced With Old Episodes of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’

Gwyneth Paltrow is finally hiring a fact-checker for Goop, her crazy website full of made-up bullshit and snake oil cures. Yes, to the dismay of lovers of jade vagina eggs everywhere, The New York Times reported in a profile of Goop that Paltrow is hiring a whole new staff to make sure that Goop is based in reality, ruining my fun entirely.

After a few too many cultural firestorms, and with investors to think about, G.P. made some changes. Goop has hired a lawyer to vet all claims on the site. It hired an editor away from Condé Nast to run the magazine. It hired a man with a Ph.D. in nutritional science, and a director of science and research who is a former Stanford professor. And in September, Goop, sigh, is hiring a full-time fact-checker. G.P. chose to see it as “necessary growing pain.”

This isn’t actually the first time the idea of fact-checking Goop has come up. The last time was when Paltrow turned Goop into a physical magazine with Condé Nast.

The rules she’s referring to are the rules of traditional magazine making — all upheld strictly at an institution like Condé Nast. One of them is that they weren’t allowed to use the magazine as part of their “contextual commerce” strategy. They wanted to be able to sell Goop products (in addition to other products, just as they do on their site). But Condé Nast insisted that they have a more “agnostic” editorial approach. The company publishes magazines, not catalogs. But why? G.P. wanted to know. She wanted the Goop magazine to be a natural extension of the Goop website. She wanted the reader to be able to do things like text a code to purchase a product without even having to leave her inert reading position and wander over to her computer. A magazine customer is also a regular customer.

But the other rule is — well, the thing couldn’t be fact-checked. Goop wanted Goop magazine to be like the Goop website in another way: to allow the Goop family of doctors and healers to go unchallenged in their recommendations via the kinds of Q. and A.s published, and that just didn’t pass Condé Nast standards. Those standards require traditional backup for scientific claims, like double-blind, peer-reviewed studies. The stories Loehnen, now Goop’s chief content officer, wanted to publish had to be quickly replaced at the last minute by packages like the one on “clean” getaways.

Basically, Paltrow wanted to publish a bunch of unverified bullshit and sell her snake oil right alongside it. It’s probably better for humanity that one of the stars of the most successful movie franchise in human history isn’t telling people vaccines cause autism and you need to shove a jade egg in your snatch to protect it from goblins or whatever, but I’m sure going to miss the old Goop. Where am I supposed to go to get psychic vampire repellent now? I’m going to have to stock up on it like I’m Elaine Benes buying the last of the Today sponges, I don’t want any psychic vampires sucking my… whatever it is they suck. I’m also running low on unicorn stickers to center my chakra or block out negative energy or whatever.

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