ESC

Good News, Crappy Dad Bands: The Eagles Have the Best-Selling Album of All Time

The United States has terrible taste. I’m not just talking about how we made Donald Trump president or the Kardashians celebrities, every country has incompetent leaders and cable television that’s full of vapid celebrities. No, our lack of taste infests every corner of American life, and nothing has brought that into the spotlight more than the RIAA’s announcement that The Eagles have just claimed the title of best-selling album of all time.

The album, titled Their Greatest Hits 1971 – 1975, isn’t even a real album, it’s a compilation. And on top of that, it’s a compilation of some of the most mediocre dad rock ever pressed into vinyl. The album replaced Michael Jackson’s Thriller at number one with the RIAA listing it as 38x Platinum to Thriller’s 33x. The Eagles also have the number three spot with Hotel California. Is Don Henley buying these and keeping them in a storage unit in Fresno or something?

Hootie and the Blowfish are number 9 on the all-time list with Cracked Rear View, just in case you thought there might be some good albums on there. It’s above The Beatles, aka The White Album, so, you know, I’m just going to go listen to one of those in my car with the engine running and and a few copies of Hotel California crammed in the tailpipe.

Also, someone explain to me how N’Sync is on the top 100 multiple times but Nirvana isn’t? Have you actually met anyone who didn’t have a copy of Nirvana Unplugged? You’re going to look me in the eye and tell me more people bought a copy of Alanis Morisette’s Jagged Little Pill than Nevermind or London Calling? You must think I’m some kind of idiot!

[Image: Rachel Kramer]

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