ESC

Being the World’s Biggest Tool Finally Catches Up to Elon Musk as SEC Accuses Him of Securities Fraud

Luckily for Elon Musk, being a total dipshit on Twitter isn’t illegal, because if it was he’d already be Bill Cosby’s roommate. Unfortunately for Elon, there’s a limit on just how big a turd you can before one of the dumbass things you say lands you in legal trouble. Musk found that line and stomped all over it and now he’s being sued by the SEC who are seeking to remove him from Tesla.

What Musk actually did was tweet that he was “considering taking Tesla private at $420,” and added that he had secured the funding to do so. The SEC believes that Elon Musk did not have funding in place when he made that tweet, and according to the SEC’s complaint, he was illegally manipulating the price of Telsa’s stock to make a joke for Grimes. Oh, and to manipulate the price of Tesla stocks because he was upset so many people were shorting it.

This calculation resulted in a price of $419, and Musk stated that he rounded the price up to $420 because he had recently learned about the number’s significance in marijuana culture and thought his girlfriend “would find it funny, which admittedly is not a great reason to pick a price.”

You can’t make this shit up. But it gets you can’t make this shit upper. It appears that one of the reasons the SEC knew Musk didn’t have funding in place when he said he did is because Azealia Banks was there and told Business Insider how full of shit he was.

“They bring me out there on the premise that we would hang and make music,” Banks said in a DM. “But his dumbass kept tweeting and tucked his dick in between his ass cheeks once shit hit the fan.”

Banks said Musk seemed distracted over the weekend.

“I saw him in the kitchen tucking his tail in between his legs scrounging for investors to cover his ass after that tweet,” she said. “He was stressed and red in the face.”

Banks added: “He’s not cute at all in person.”

That last line has nothing to do with anything but I love it because he sucks so bad. But I don’t know how reliable Banks’s testimony is, because there’s no way that Elon Musk’s dick is big enough to reach his asscheeks.

As if Elon Musk didn’t have enough trouble, remember when he called that diver who saved those kids trapped in that cave a pedophile because Elon didn’t get to kill them all with his tiny metal death sub? That dude is also suing him for defamation.

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