If you’re like me, every Halloween you have an “oh, s**t” moment where you realize the big day is in 2 days, you have an event to go to and you’re friends are nagging that “this is the 5th year in a row!” That’s why I’m here to help. First, tell your friends to stop being so whiny. It makes them unattractive. Second, if the event is something massive like Escape’s Psycho Circus, I’ve got a few costume ideas for you.

Of course, you can do the usual “fairy” if you’re a girl or “guy walking around everywhere without his shirt to show off his chiseled abs and sculpted biceps” if you’re me. If not, then why not choose from some of these? For Escape, you want something you can walk around in. Something breathable and doesn’t require you to readjust yourself in the port-a-potty after every set. Trust me, people are going to think you have diarrhea.

Here’s a few ideas from past year’s Escape.

Black & White Marshmello – 7.0

Everyone has a Marshmello costume. But does everyone have both a black AND white one? Probably not. Look, it’s 2018. It’s time to be inclusive.

Gimp With a Harem – 8.0

If you’re going with a group of girls and you’re the only guy, you’ve already won so there’s really no reason to embrace some sort of hyper-masculine costume. Why not dress like you just escaped from a S&M club and have girls in phallic masks chase you around? An 8.0 because of the effort it takes.

Sailor Moon – 8.5

If there was a smiling man dressed in a Sailor Moon costume snaking his way to me from a crowd of people dancing around, I would be terrified. Wouldn’t you?

Food – 6.7

Namely this wiener. Mostly because I’m 5 and can’t get enough of dick puns. “Touch this wiener,” might get really old after the 20th time YOU say it, but not me. NOT me. A 6.7 because I really like dick puns.

Dead Fairies – 5.4

If you have a group, why not dress like a fairy. Dead fairies. Like the kind that make people nervous when they ask to take a photo with you and you guys just stand there staring blankly at the camera making them think they should really leave now because there’s something wrong with you.

Gudetama – 4.2

So this may not be the best take on a Gudetama costume I’ve ever seen, but those shirts are fantastic. If one of them dressed as an egg and the other lay butt naked on top of him as they wheeled around the festival, this may be the best costume yet.

Slutty Harry Potter – 9.0

Inventive? Not really. But what would Halloween be without the staple slutty [insert profession/character] costume?

Hopefully this clears up any confusion as to what to dress up as during Escape or any Halloween event for that matter. Just remember it was thanks to me when people are ignoring Kaskade and Seven Lions to compliment you on your costume.