Ariana Grande Dropped Her New Single About Her Exes Right Before ‘Saturday Night Live’ Started

They say breaking up is hard to do, but Ariana Grande found the time to write and record a new single about breaking up with Pete Davidson in the not quite three weeks since they split. They do say it takes about a month for every year you were together to get over a relationship, so two weeks is about right for a five month relationship.

Ariana’s song, “thank u, next,” is surprisingly positive about her exes, even if releasing it right before Pete Davidson’s show started airing live seems a little passive-aggressive. I’m more of a Ben Folds Five “Song for the Dumped” guy, myself.

Maybe a little “Train in Vain.” You know, the classics.

Still really sad and surprised that two people who got engaged after dating for like two weeks couldn’t make it work. And I make jokes about the speed that they got engaged and started getting each other’s names tattooed on each other, but if they were lesbians that’s actually quite slow for a relationship to move, so I shouldn’t really tease them so much.

Meanwhile, Grande’s ex Pete Davidson spent the weekend embroiled in a minor scandal because he said Republican congressional candidate Dan Crenshaw looked “like a hit man in a porno movie,” a reference to Crenshaw’s eyepatch which he has because of an injury he suffered as a Navy Seal. It’s not a very good joke. If you’re going to start a scandal with a joke, at least make it a good one. Like “Ariana Grande only dated Pete Davidson because the brain damage her ponytail gave him made her think he had normal human proportions.”