Gwyneth Paltrow Might Get A Netflix Talk Show And It Will Be A Tribute to Human Misery

F**k, we’re hearing about GOOP again? This is the third time in a week that we’re hearing news about Gwyneth Paltrow’s insufferable lifestyle brand. We’ve heard Gwyneth bemoan her accursed fame for her struggles to get GOOP investors, and we’ve seen the abysmal GOOP Holiday Gift Guide (chock full of expensive genitalia products, death traps, sex play accessories, and more!). What more could there possibly be for this detestable company?

A Netflix show, course! Sadly, this show will not be a dark comedy about an off-putting woman who obliviously peddles her obnoxious and offensively overpriced wellness products where her insulting marketing results in plummeting sales, leading her to wonder why no one wants her utterly useless s**t.

No, the GOOP Netflix show is going to be a talk show in Oprah Winfrey-style. HAHAHA!!! Bitch, please. You are not worthy to emulate the great Oprah Winfrey. In regards to her planned show, this is what Paltrow had to say:

“I would be going into the field and talking to any number of doctors, scientists, civilians, people in crisis in Flint, Michigan, where there is something to uncover and confront about wellness.”

Fucking Christ. If this show comes to fruition, it will be a tone-deaf horror show. It’s going to be a grotesque display of Paltrow trying to sell her shitty vagina eggs and “self-love spray” to people who are sick and actually dying from lead poisoning in their water supply. And I’m sure before she goes to these struggling places, she’ll make sure to pitch whatever GOOP outfit she’s wearing as she did right after Stan Lee’s death. Gotta look smart for all those sick and dying people! I imagine Paltrow rolling into Flint, Michigan will look something like this:

One of GOOP’s dumber (hahaha…”one of”…) products is “psychic vampire repellent” where the user is instructed to “spray around the aura to protect from psychic attack and emotional harm.” I don’t know, though. Any chance this stuff might work to repel Gwyneth Paltrow away from crisis areas?

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