Kate Beckinsale Loves Slapping Baby Foreskins on Her Face

Mother of God. This is just horrifying. Seriously, this is something out of a goddamn snuff film. The batshit crap people do in the name of beauty can range from weird and laughable to appalling and nightmare-inducing.

Kate Beckinsale revealed in an Instagram post just how she retains that beautiful, youthful complexion. How? The answer: penis juice.

Okay, technically it’s “liquid foreskins,” but does that really sound any better? This revolting treatment has been christened “the penis facial” because it apparently includes an ingredient reaped from the foreskin of newborn babies. The is called epidermal growth factor, or EGF, which is meant to stimulate cell growth. Here’s what Beckinsale had to say:

“After a long flight I do like to lie down and be covered in a mask of liquified [sic] cloned foreskins — frankly who doesn’t?”

“Thank you @georgialouisesk for an amazing facial. I especially liked you reassuring me it would be ‘light on penis’ as it was my first time.”

Lady, I don’t care how light the penis was. You had liquefied male genitalia on your fucking face. Light dick is still too much dick when it’s on your face.

Sadly, Kate Beckinsale is not the only one to have undergone this disturbing procedure. Earlier this year, we discovered Cate Blanchette and Sandra Bullock have also taken to laying out $650 to have liquid foreskin smeared all over their faces.

Christ. If this s**t gets enough attention, I can easily foresee creepy guys with a bukkake fetish using this to proposition women on Tinder (“Hey baby, how about I give you a facial? I have all the right ingredients right down here!).

On the other side, I could also see this becoming the subject of a horror film. Picture it: A group of celebrities, desperate to maintain their appearances, start kidnapping men and holding them prisoner while they harvest their penises for their youth-giving juices. Have fun picturing this in your nightmares tonight, everyone!

But seriously, if someone does write and produce a script based on this idea, I’d better get 50 percent.

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5 years ago

I’d be willing to put liquid dick on her face for free. Freaking elitist Hollywood types and their baby killing ways to retain their youth.

But seriously Kate, call me. Free liquid dick can be yours.