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Shawn Mendes Comes Out As Straight

Singer Shawn Mendes was recently profiled in Rolling Stone, and during the interview he really opened up about his sexuality and shocked most of the world by admitting that he is actually straight. I for one couldn’t believe it.

Mendes admits that the attention on his personal life has caused him a lot of stress. “I’d like to say I don’t care about it, but that’s not true,” he says. This brings him to another, much thornier issue that he’s been forced to navigate: “This massive, massive thing for the last five years about me being gay.”

I mean, to be fair, Mendes really, really seems gay. I know that’s stereotyping and people from all walks of life who are just like you and me are gay, but if we’re being honest most of the gay men you know look and act a lot like Shawn Mendes.

But finding out Mendes is straight reminds me of a scene from The Venture Brothers.

Last Christmas, he was reading YouTube comments about his sexuality when he decided he’d had enough. “I thought, ‘You fucking guys are so lucky I’m not actually gay and terrified of coming out,’?” he recalls now. “That’s something that kills people. That’s how sensitive it is. Do you like the songs? Do you like me? Who cares if I’m gay?”

So he recorded a frantic Snapchat story. “I noticed a lot of people were saying I gave them a ‘gay vibe,’?” he told his millions of followers, sounding a little choked up as he stared wide-eyed at the camera. “First of all, I’m not gay. Second of all, it shouldn’t make a difference if I was or wasn’t.”

Okay, now this is kind of starting to sound like that one episode of Seinfeld. You know the one.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being straight either. Of course, not even missing a beat when say you want to buy Justin Bieber’s used underpants isn’t exactly making the strong case for heterosexuality he thinks it is.

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