Someone’s Gonna Shove Rick Ross’ Kid in a Locker

Rick Ross just announced that his girlfriend, Briana Camille, gave birth to a baby boy. His full name is “Billion Leonard Roberts.”

There is currently no word on what brought about this name choice. But I think we can guess the message that Rick Ross is trying to convey to the world.

This isn’t Rick Ross’ first rodeo in the Idiotic Names for Celebrity Children’s Club. He and Camille had a baby girl last year named Berkley Hermes. Not quite as terrible as “Billion,” but still bad enough.

Unfortunately, when celebrities try to be “unique” and “original” when naming their offspring, more often than not, the names usually sound weird at best and moronic at worst. In my opinion, the number one question all parents should ask themselves when naming their child should be, “Will this name get my child shoved in a locker?”

Maybe this is where celebrities feel they have an edge. With their fame and money, maybe they figure that they can more easily get away with giving their children eccentric names. After all, their children might not attend a traditional school. They could end up being homeschooled. That would certainly eliminate the concerns of playground and locker room torture. And where homeschooling might fail, intimidation might be enough to protect their offspring from schoolyard bullying.

I don’t know about others, but I’m still holding out hope that one day naming laws will become universal. There are too many bad names that could easily be considered child abuse. But naming laws won’t help Rick Ross’ son out right now. Poor Baby Billion. With some luck maybe he’ll be able to get by with being called by a more normal nickname like”Bill” or “Billy.”

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