ESC

Starbucks Cancels Porn Viewing in Shops, YouPorn tells Starbucks to Go Fuck Themselves

I have bad news, folks. It is with great regret that I must inform you that you only have one month left to watch porn in Starbucks. Next year, the coffee chain will be rolling out explicit content blockers on their WiFi. Sorry, everyone, there will be no more enjoying your pornos in the comfort of your favorite coffee spot surrounded by yogis, jackass businessmen, and teenage girls suffering from pumpkin spice deficiency.

Now, YouPorn, the free internet porn purveyor, is no slouch. After receiving the news that their content would soon no longer be welcome in Starbucks, YouPorn was quick to respond to this slight. And were petty as fuck about it.

Well played, YouPorn, well played. That is one sick retaliatory burn right there.

Just so you all know, this Instagram post was not simple to find. I had to do some YouPorn Instagram googling to locate it. It’s probably somewhere in my search history despite incognito mode, and now I kind of hate myself. How do you sick fucks out there get the nerve to watch real porn videos in a public coffee shop, yet I feel creepy just looking this shit up for reference in the privacy of my home? Good thing I have chianti on hand to help alleviate my shame.

In conclusion, if you’re someone who loves your porn in a cozy coffee shop setting, all I can say is get thee to Starbucks, good pilgrim, and start consuming your illicit content while you still can. After that, you’re probably be restricted to publically viewing your sex videos on the subway. Or the library, you sick bastard, you.

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