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The Live Action ‘Lion King’ Movie Is Still Just a Fucking Cartoon

Disney has been making a lot of live action adaptations of its classic animated movies lately because it’s way cheaper than writing new scripts. All you have to do is dust off the script you already made, shrug your shoulders about where you’ll possibly be able to find an Indian actor who can sing and call the most risk-averse director you can find because that, my friend, is the recipe for a half a billion dollars world-wide.

The most dubious of these live-action remakes has long been The Lion King. The Broadway adaptation used cheap costumes, but on Thanksgiving Day we got our first look at how Disney is going to bring The Lion King into the real world.

Yeah, that’s a fucking cartoon. Mixing some stock footage from a David Attenborough special into your cartoon doesn’t make it not a cartoon. There is no live action in that trailer; it’s just more expensive animation than the first cartoons. It’s actually probably cheaper animation, it just looks more expensive. The original Lion King movie was mostly hand-drawn, and the computer animation techniques used at the time had to be invented essentially from whole cloth. This looks like they just typed “lion” into the app they use to make the fight scenes in the Marvel movies.

But seriously, there were more real animals in Mister Ed than there were in this trailer, and that was just a horse in a stable eating peanut butter. Maybe they should do a gritty reboot of Mister Ed next, something like Midnight Cowboy but with an actual horse that talks. It would be way less of a blatant cash grab than this. Like, why even bother taking James Earl Jones out of cold storage for this if he’s just going to say all the same lines he said in the last cartoon?

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