ESC

The Monster Cereal Cinematic Universe Is Coming: We’ll Tell You What’s Next

Frankeberry. Count Chocula. Boo Berry. Yummy Mummy. Fruit Brute. The most terrifying names in horror are uniting for what’s sure to be… wait, hold on, seriously? Those are breakfast cereals. What person thought there should be a movie universe based on General Mills cereals? Okay, it was General Mills, no surprise there. I had so much trouble wrapping my head around this being a real thing that I built a time machine out of a Ford Pinto in my garage and went to the future to see what else would be a cinematic universe in the future.

The Scrubbing Bubbles Cinematic Universe

I didn’t think this one was going to work, but when Princess Bubbelina lead the charge to free Toilet Town from the scourge of hard water, I was sold. Darkly Dawns the Toilet Duck was a real high point in the series. I was not prepared for how dark things got when he faced off against The Piddler.

The YouTube Cinematic Universe

Just a bunch of idiots yelling into microphones for two hours. They put one out every three months and it makes a billion dollars in lunch money from eighth graders.

The 1990s TGIF Line-Up Cinematic Universe

Casting Idris Elba as Steve Urkle may have been controversial, but it really paid dividends for this cinematic universe. I also thought it was going to cause tonal issues when they stuck with the darker, Netflix version of Sabrina, The Teenage Witch, but the crossover with Full House worked. I mean, the scene where Sabrina’s aunts sacrificed Michelle Tanner to their dark gods and then fed her to the cat was a little intense, but hey, maybe the Olsen twins should start answering their phone when Bob Saget calls them.

The DC Cinematic Universe

Still not a thing.

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