ESC

This Guy Suing to Change His Age from 69 to 49 to Get More Tinder Matches

A self-proclaimed Dutch “motivational guru” named Emile Ratelband has launched a lawsuit in the Netherlands demanding to have his legal age changed from 69 to 49-years-old.

I had to verify that this was a real story and not some satirical piece in the vein of The Onion. But no, it is indeed an authentic case in the Netherlands. Emile Raetlband is indeed in earnest about having his birthdate legally changed. His reasoning? He’ll get way more Tinder action if women think he’s 49. Raetlband says here:

“When I’m on Tinder and it says I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.”

I’m going to assume that Raetlband has never considered trying an over-50 dating site such as OurTime or SilverSingles.

And yes, he’ll be in a prime position with the ladies, alright. If these women are not significantly visually impaired, they are going to figure out this guy is a liar if they meet him in person. More likely, they’ll be running for the hills once they get a whiff of this guy’s oh-so-modest and charming personality. Especially when they find out that he once praised Osama bin Laden and the 9/11 attacks.

Raetlband has obnoxiously tried to compare himself with the transgender community claiming that he “doesn’t feel his age” and that his doctor has told him that he has “the body of a 45-year-old.” Raetlband has continued to describe himself as “a young god.”

I don’t know who this guy’s doctor is, but I’m guessing it’s the same one who said that Donald Trump would be “the healthiest president individual elected to the presidency.”

Raetlband’s case will be decided in four weeks’ time. I hope he’s banned from dating sites as punishment for wasting the court’s time. At the very least, publicize him far and wide as a warning to women everywhere.

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