Chris Brown Wants to Bone Cardi B

Well, it seems that Chris Brown has decided to valiantly get over Rihanna and leave her the f**k alone so she can date her billionaire boyfriend in peace. He’s setting his wandering eye on the newly single Cardi B. Here is what an alleged “source close to Chris Brown” had to say.

“Chris is dying to shoot his shot with Cardi, now that she is single. He’s always found her sexy, and now that Offset’s out of the way, Chris is ready to make Cardi his girl. Chris loves Cardi’s music, thinks she’s gorgeous, sexy and talented but would never disrespect Offset by trying to hit on his wife.”

Oh, how considerate. Chris Brown would never disrespect Offset by hitting on Cardi B. Isn’t that just fucking thoughtful of him? Nothing on how it might be disrespectful to the (then) married woman to hit on her. Chris Brown probably fancies that this is a step up for him since his usual modus operandi in the past has been hitting women right in the face.

Here’s more of what the source dished on:

“Now that the lane is clear, Chris will be liking some of Cardi’s pics, maybe even leave a few comments and also plans to slip into her DMs. Chris wants to let Cardi know anyway he can that he’s interested as soon as possible.”

Yep, Chris Brown politely refrained from moving in on a recently single woman until waiting out the decent interval of one-week post-separation from a cheating husband.

The last thing Cardi B needs in her life right now is to get flirty messages from a punk like Chris Brown. She just got out of one dysfunctional relationship. Getting involved with this dickwad is asking for an Everest-sized mountain of deep s**t. Plus, Cardi B has a baby daughter to think about. If she needs to chat with someone about the strengths of Chris Brown’s parenting, she might consider calling up Brown’s ex, Nia Guzman.