Keira Knightly Thinks Having a Penis Would Be ‘Convenient’

Keira Knightly doesn’t have a penis and she doesn’t really want one. This is not exactly news because most people who don’t have penises are perfectly happy about it. I don’t know how because I’ve handled a vagina or two in my day and while penises certainly look sillier, they’ve also got much less maintenance involved. Setting sexism aside for a moment, if you were given a choice, the penis seems like the practical option. If you don’t believe me, consider how much time the average man spends in a public restroom compared to the average woman.

Keira got into a whole discussion on if she wants to have a penis with The Guardian, and she said that while he doesn’t want one, it would be “convenient.”

I look quizzical. “I’ve never wanted a penis,” she clarifies. “Apart from to piss up a tree. Being able to do that standing up: so convenient. You can just whip it out and whatever. But the idea of something so vulnerable swinging between my legs, I think I’m all right without.”

That’s the balls, honey, the penis is pretty tough. If it can stand up to the rampant abuse doled out to it by teenage boys on a daily basis, it can take most anything you throw at it. Vaginas, on the other hand… I mean, it’s pretty easy to hide an erection once you get the hang of it. Wear looser jeans and put it down the leg and tape it down just above the knee. It’s a lot easier than hiding a growing damp spot every time you think about Keira Knightly in a soccer uniform for the past 15 years.

Also you can hear the word “moist” without your skin crawling, so that’s another upside.