Most Obvious Study Ever Shows People More Likely to Bone in Driverless Cars

Any guy who’s ever taken a road trip with an adventurous partner knows that it’s entirely possible to get oral sex while driving a car. Unfortunately for the ladies there just isn’t enough room to get in there in a similar way, but your problems could be coming to an end with driverless cars. Considering people have been fucking in every private space they could find since the first man to stand upright dragged Raquel Welch back to his cave, we probably didn’t need a study to tell us people were fucking in driverless cars, but we got one anyway.

If your question is “What are people doing with this new piece of technology?” the answer is always going to be “Finding a way to have an orgasm.” This has been true of every invention in the history of mankind. Don’t believe me? Our first inventions were, arguably, fire and the wheel. I have an ex-girlfriend who got off on having candle wax dripped on her and without the wheel, vibrators wouldn’t vibrate. Fire and the wheels also happen to be the things that make driverless cars go so people can have sex in them. Everything we’ve ever invented we’ve used to give ourselves orgasms.

So when will we be able to tool around town in our autonomous pussy wagons? The study’s lead researcher, Scott Cohen, told Fast Company it’s just around the corner, relatively speaking.

Given the data that’s currently available on sex, cars, and automation, the only lingering question seems to be not if AV sex will take place, but when. “The 2040s,” says Cohen, without hesitation, when I ask. “The whole discussion of AVs being mainstream, and a dominant form of automobile transport–that’s [predicted for] the 2040s. But if we think this through in the moment, a mobile red light district doesn’t require all the cars around it, or a majority of cars around it, to be autonomous . . . There’s no reason it couldn’t happen earlier.”

We were supposed to have flying cars by now, too, so I’m not holding my breath, but if I had to choose things to do in my car, I’d rank sex higher than flying anyway.