World’s Luckiest Man Dies in Seventh Round of Sex Competition

A man died in a sex competition in Nigeria. This is a thing that really happened. I know you’re saying that it sounds fake but it was reported by The Guardian Nigeria, and it’s not as if a storied news organization like The Guardian would just make something up out of whole cloth.

Here’s what The Guardian Nigeria reported.

A middle-aged man, simply known as Davy, has died in a popular hotel in Ikotun area of Lagos State during a sex competition with a lady identified as Loveth.

It was gathered that the late Davy had argued with Loveth on who can last longer in a sex bout.

Both claimed they were stronger and refused to admit defeat.

During the argument, Davy staked N50,000 on the condition that if Loveth defeats him during the romp, she will take the money.

Who hasn’t been there? Which one of us hasn’t said to our friend or partner or a total stranger “Hey, I think I can f**k longer than you and I’ve got $137 American to back it up!”

Well you fucked up Davy. You not only lost, you got fucked to death. Now you’re out $137 and you’re dead.

There’s even worse news, because Loveth is in jail waiting for the autopsy to verify if her “I fucked him to death” story checks out.

But the one thing we can all agree on is if we have to go, I think we’d all like to die while having our seventh consecutive orgasm.