Bitch Slapped With a Taco Bell Burrito

Wow. I never knew that a Taco Bell burrito could be used as a weapon. I mean, yeah, Taco Bell can certainly be used to cause extreme pain via diarrhea or food poisoning post consumption, but I never thought of it as being used as actual ammunition.

Last weekend, a Florida man (yes, fucking Florida) named Victor Fosser is accused of domestic abuse after assaulting his wife with a Taco Bell burrito. The story is that Fosser’s wife was distressed about a family situation, so Fosser proposed the ultimate problem solver: going out to Taco Bell for lunch.

According to the police report, while at Taco Bell, Fosser started taunting his wife for still being upset while pushing a burrito in her face. Annoyed, this prompted Fosser’s wife to throw the burrito aside. And Fosser thought the most appropriate response was to retrieve the burrito from the floor and shove it directly into his wife’s face, which caused, according to the police report, some of the burrito to “go up into her nose.”

And because Taco Bell does not appreciate the mistreatment of spouses or burritos, the staff called the police. Fosser was taken to the county jail and charged with battery before being released on Monday.

Only in goddamn, fucking Florida would something like a burrito attack in a Taco Bell happen. Well, everyone, the lesson here is don’t be a dick to your spouse anywhere, but especially don’t do it in a fast food restaurant. Because it still counts as abuse when you hit someone with a dollar-menu item.

Thank you, Florida, for once again imparting your incredibly bizarre lessons on society.

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