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E.L. James Is Coming Out With Another Erotic Disaster

If you’re a huge fan of Fifty Shades of Grey, well, I can’t relate to you at all, but you’ll be thrilled to hear that E.L. James is coming out with another erotic novel.

Yes, that’s right. E.L. James is out with a new novel for the bored housewives who have already worn out their copies of Fifty Shades. Twice. The book, which is scheduled to come out in April, is entitled The Mister, and here’s how James herself summarizes the plot.

“I’m so excited to finally get this passionate new romance out into the world. It’s a Cinderella story for the twenty-first century. Maxim and Alessia have led me on a fascinating journey and I hope that my readers will be swept away by their thrilling and sensual tale, just as I was while writing, and that, like me, they fall in love with them.”

“A Cinderella story for the 21st century?” Wait a minute, wasn’t that essentially the entire plot of Fifty Shades? You’ve got the mousy, ordinary girl from modest means and then you have the insanely wealthy billionaire with no discernable job but has a shit ton of money and free time to play with helicopters. Billionaire guy introduces the average girl to sex, then they get married and go on to live a life that involves continuing to have weird sex and being stupidly rich. That’s basically your 21st century erotic Cinderella story. After all, Fifty Shades is just as much wealth-porn as it is porn-porn.

So, yeah, I have no idea how this book is really going to be any different from Fifty Shades. I wouldn’t be surprised if this story just uses the same basic formula and swaps out the names. And no, this story did not initially appear on Fanfiction.net as erotic Tiny Toons fanfiction, despite what The Onion claimed. I spotted this headline, and for a tenth of a second, I almost believed it before realizing the source. Please tell me I’m not the only one who did. Right, guys? Right?

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