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Michael Cohen Had to Pay Someone to Write About How ‘Sexy and Smart’ He Is

If you thought that Trump’s former right-hand man, Michael Cohen, was already a sad, sad man, well, you haven’t seen anything yet. Because he just sunk about 50 points lower on the pathetic scale.

We just got a new report of the desperate lengths Trump’s stool pigeon was willing to go to make himself look good. Back in 2015 when the Trump candidacy was starting, Cohen paid thousands of dollars to an IT chief at Liberty University to create a Twitter account dedicated to fawning over him. Specifically about how smart, handsome, and sexy he is. And an awesome dresser. And did he mention sexy? And don’t forget to mention his raw, animal magnetism!

Oh, and the account needed to look like a woman was writing it. Cuz, bitches, am I right?

Thus, @WomenForCohen was born. This was a Twitter account created by a Christian university tech dude trying to sound like a woman. Specifically, a woman with nothing else better to do with her life than drooling over Michael Cohen. The account hasn’t been active since December 2016, but it’s still available for viewing. Here’s the bio section alone:

“Women who love and support Michael Cohen. Strong, pit bull, sex symbol, no nonsense, business oriented, and ready to make a difference!”

Those two sentences should tell you everything you can expect to see on @WomenForCohen. But luckily, I went and mined it myself so that I can show you some of the most choice posts!

You want to know what’s even more pitiful than having to use hashtags like #sexy, #pitbull, #fangirl, and #sexsymbol to describe a lackey like Michael Cohen? Not getting paid in full for having to do such a degrading job. Apparently, the agreed amount was $50,000, but Cohen only paid $12,000 (with Trump’s campaign money). Yeah, Cohen apparently stiffed the guy he was paying to swoon over him. Quite frankly, $50,000 sounds far too cheap.

Well, Cohen is going to prison for three years. Hopefully, he’ll make some new, special friends on the inside who can tell him how sexy he is.

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