Why the hell was Roberto Daniel Arroyo licking a doorbell for three hours? Why would anyone do that? I don’t know, but I have a guess. Before we get to it, do you want to see a guy just go to town on a doorbell?
A Salinas, California resident’s home security system caught a dude just licking the s**t out of her intercom. Here’s how local news station KION reported her reaction.
“I thought, boy there’s a lot of traffic. I go, 5:00 in the morning? My son doesn’t get home till 6:00 a.m. well then who the heck is that?” doorbell licker victim Sylvia Dungan said.
[…]
Not only was the man licking the doorbell, but police say he was also caught on camera appearing to relieve himself in the front yard.
Although neighbors and the homeowners were concerned, Dungan said at the end of the day no real harm was done.
“You kind of laugh about it afterwards because technically he didn’t do anything,” Dungan said.
What is Arroyo’s deal? Heavy.com has the story, and apparently Arroyo was described by police as a “transient” who has previously been arrested for public intoxication and narcotic use. So he’s a homeless guy with substance abuse problems. He was also previously charged with resisting arrest, but that just means he isn’t white.
I really want to make a joke about this, but comedy writer Matt Oswalt, brother of standup comic Patton Oswalt, already made one nobody is going to top.
maybe if he had licked the alphabet the doorbell would have rang sooner https://t.co/Otr0hqhKyM
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) January 8, 2019
Seriously, how are you going to top that? Good night everybody!