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Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin Got Married So They Could Bone

Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are certainly not shy about sharing the intimate details of their marriage. We already know that they use nausea-inducing pet names, engage in awkward public serenades, and are so tightly bonded together that they even share head lice. And now, in a recent interview with Vogue, they have even more information to share with the public about their relationship.

In their interview, Bieber and Baldwin revealed why the two got married so quickly. There was some heavy speculation that Baldwin might have been pregnant, but it turns out the reasoning was the exact opposite. Apparently, the pair remained entirely celibate for the time they were together for religious reasons (Baldwin was raised devoutly Christian, and Bieber decided to go with it), as Bieber said:

“I wanted to rededicate myself to God in that way because I really felt it was better for the condition of my soul. And I believe that God blessed me with Hailey as a result. There are perks. You get rewarded for good behavior.”

Yeah…dude, I don’t think that’s how it works.

And when Bieber finally got too horny and couldn’t take it anymore, he dragged Baldwin to the courthouse to get hitched so they could finally screw.

Man, these two are taking cues from teenage purity┬áring wearing couples who can’t even dry hump each other without the fear of incurring the Almighty’s wrath, so they have to get married to finally sate themselves, regardless of whether marriage is actually a great idea at the time.

This…this doesn’t like a very good basis for a stable, long-lasting relationship. I mean, yeah, it’s normal to want to have sex with your significant other, but that shouldn’t be the reason you get married on the fly. Bieber’s probably been on one side of the spectrum (sex, drugs, and alcohol) for so long, that now he’s swinging to the other side of the extreme (religion and celibacy). Getting married young with the intention to just finally have sex doesn’t indicate great odds for a permanent solid marriage, but only time will tell.

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jay

Wow, what an ignorant column. Statistics routinely show that people who have sex outside of marriage are less likely to have successful marriages. Just because you’re a cheap slut, don’t assume that’

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