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Robert Kraft, Owner of the Patriots, Charged With Soliciting Cheap Prostitutes

Patriots owner, 77-year-old Robert Kraft worth $6.6 billion, has been charged with two counts of soliciting prostitution from Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Jupiter, Florida. That spa was one of 10 which were shut down in Orlando as part of a investigation that uncovered human trafficking and sex slaves.

Kraft, who’s team just won the Super Bowl for the 6th time, was a regular at the spa and most likely had himself a few rub and tugs. Police started the investigation in 2012 and have video evidence of a stream of men going in and out of the spa. They also found “napkins coated in seminal fluid in a trash receptacle outside the spa on more than one occasion. Condoms were rarely used.” My heart goes out to that poor bastard who had to dig through the trash for dried cum.

Obviously, the most surprising part of the story is a famous billionaire was visiting a strip mall spa to get jerked off. But it’s only surprising until you realize that Robert Kraft knows that to stay rich you have to be frugal and smart. Sure, he could have slid into some IG model’s DMs but he would have probably had to pay her thousands to keep quiet. Not to mention the payout he’d need to give her after she decides to blackmail him. Chinese sex slaves at a strip mall day spa? Those girls can keep a secret and you only have to tip them $40. Or so I’ve heard.

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