Ryan Adams, Who I Guess Is Some Sort of Musician, Allegedly Promised Women Career Help in Exchange for Sex

Apparently, Ryan Adams’ personality sucks as bad as his music. Which is quite the feat; he’s even worse than Bryan Adams, who most of you are probably just realizing this isn’t about. Anyway, Adams is apparently famous enough that he could allegedly leverage his fame for sex from people who wanted to be famous. That doesn’t require a lot of fame, though, because I’m sure there’s an assistant manager at a mall kiosk that sells blacklight posters who has leveraged that to get a blowjob.

According to a New York Times report, Adams is basically kind of a shitty controlling boyfriend who promises to make women famous musicians if they have sex with him despite not being able to make himself all that famous.

But as they discussed the record, Adams started sending [Phoebe] Bridgers flirty texts, she said, and a whirlwind romance commenced. Bridgers said the singer began discussing marriage less than a week into their relationship, and insisted that she open for him on his European tour in a few weeks — “a golden pillar of success,” she recalled. Adams told Bridgers’s mother that it was a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” to have someone like him looking out for her.

Yet in the weeks that followed, Adams’s attention turned obsessive and emotionally abusive, Bridgers said. He began barraging her with texts, insisting that she prove her whereabouts, or leave social situations to have phone sex, and threatening suicide if she didn’t reply immediately.

This dude is 100% one of those serial monogamists. I think we’ve all dated this person, only they hadn’t had such hits as… uhh… a cover of Taylor Swift’s 1989. Remember when he and Mandy Moore got married right after they got engaged?  Wait, is Ryan Adams just Brie Larson in drag? He is, isn’t he? Seriously, look at that dude. Anyway, speaking of Mandy Moore, Adams’ now ex-wife:

They wrote songs together regularly that Adams promised to record, but never did. He booked them time at his studio, only to replace her with other female artists, she said. And he lashed out in ways that Moore came to consider psychologically abusive.

Adams lorded his artistic accomplishments over her, she said. “He would always tell me, ‘You’re not a real musician, because you don’t play an instrument.’”

What accomplishments? Seriously, name a Ryan Adams song.

Ah well. It’s always sad to see someone fall from the heights of mediocrity like this for sexting with a 14-year-old, which he also did.

Days later, Adams expressed anxiety: “If people knew they would say I was like R Kelley lol,” he wrote.

Yet within 10 minutes, the conversation again turned explicit. “I just want you to touch your nipple,” he texted, before again asking about her age. “And tell me that your mom is not gonna kill me if she finds out we even text.”

Adams claims he thought she was in her 20s, which perfectly fits with talking about R Kelly and her mom. I’d say we’ve probably heard the last of Ryan Adams, but that had to have happened years ago.

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4 years ago

I was once forced to see this dude in concert three night in a row as an, apparently very reluctant opening act for Alanis. He effing SUCKS SO MUCH!!! I guess he was mad at having to open for someone 1000x better than himself.