ESC

World’s Lamest 11-Year-Old Asks India’s High Court To Ban ‘PUBG’

I’m not a big fan of kids, but sometimes they’re pretty cool. They occasionally do things like sell cookies outside of a pot dispensary, make millions of dollars playing with toys or punch a hole in a million dollar painting. Most of the time, though, they suck and just do stupid shit like piss themselves playing Fortnite because it doesn’t have a pause function. But frankly, I would rather a kid that pissed themselves to play a video game than one that petitioned to have it outlawed so that a billion people couldn’t play it like Bombay resident, 11-year-old Ahad Nizam.

According to the Hindustan Times, Nizam told the Bombay High Court that Fortnite competitor PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds, or PUBG, should be banned because it “promotes violence, aggression and cyber-bullying.” Oh, Ahad, if you think you were getting bullied before wait until everyone finds out you tried to have their favorite video game banned. You’re going to wish it was cyber-bullying in a battle royale game when your head if being dunked in the toilet, dude.

For starters, the “link” between video games and increased aggression was based on junk science; they do make people more aggressive, but only for about fifteen minutes until your adrenaline level falls back to normal and you’re no more aggressive than you normally are. I have heard second-or-third-hand about kids being bullied and excluded in school for not playing Fortnite, but that’s less to do with the game and more to do with it just being the current trend thing.

More than anything, I question why this kid has it in for this particular game. It’s not a good look to go to the Supreme Court and ask for a game to be banned because you got pwned and called a n00b by SnatchBandit42069, which is what I’m guessing happened here. He gave a statement saying “After playing for a few days, I began to feel low and negative, so I stopped. This is why I have appealed to the government.”

I didn’t even know you could get the government to ban something because it made you feel “negative.” I have my own letter to write.

Dear President Trump,

I felt low and negative after watching the Super Bowl. Please have Tom Brady shot into the sun on a rocket.

Love and kisses,

The Blemish

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