Alex Rodriguez Just Can’t Stop Getting Accused of Cheating on J-Lo With Playboy Models
Former Yankee Alex Rodriguez is engaged to Jennifer Lopez, but that apparently hasn’t stopped him from making time with the ladies. As long as those ladies were Playboy models. He has a type and that type has big fake titties.
A few weeks ago when A-Rod and J-Lo announced they were engaged (hey, for their couple-name portmanteau how about Rob Lowe?), Jose Canseco crawled out of whatever hole he’s been living in to say that Rodriguez was fucking his ex-wife. Which is kind of creepy because Jose and Jessica Canseco divorced twenty years ago. Jessica said at the time she hadn’t even seen A-Rod in five years.
But another wrinkle appeared as another Playboy model claims that she has been getting A-Rod’s bat sent to her inbox. Oh and this one is also a porn star called Robin Banx. You think that’s her real name? It’s very porny. You pretty much have to go into porn if your name is Banx, or really anything that ends in an x. Remember UN weapons inspector Hans Blix? That guy did so much porn when he wasn’t looking for nuclear weapons. He found a WMD in his pants and he needs you to disarm it.
Okay, we’re getting too silly. Let’s see what Page Six said about these claims that A-Rod is sexting porn stars while dating J-Lo.
Gregory told the British newspaper that she was introduced to Rodriguez through a friend and they began texting in December, when “he soon began pestering her to meet in person and begging her to bring friends for a threesome.”
But they never actually met in person, and Page Six has not been able — nor willing — to independently identify what Gregory claims is a close-up shot of A-Rod’s erect, er, rod.
Yeah, okay, let’s go back to making jokes about Hans Blix doing porn, it’s less silly.
Seriously, how do you prove that’s A-Rod dick? Go ask other Yankees? “Hey, have you seen this penis before?”
It’s nice to see that these allegations haven’t hurt their relationship. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to celebrate that there’s a job worse than comedy writer. Pour one out for all the dick pic fact checkers at the big papers.
