ESC

Olivia Jade’s Trademark Application was Denied Because of Her Poor Grammar; If Only There Were Somewhere She Could Have Learned It

The misfortunes keep piling up for Lori Loughlin’s family in the wake of her and her husband’s arrests for bribing their daughters’ way into USC. This is a rock bottom they haven’t imagined since that time Dave Coulier needed a place to stay “until he got back on his feet” and ended up crashing with them for eight seasons. He wasn’t even cast on Full House, he was just literally living on set and they didn’t have the technology at the time to cut him out so they added him to the cast.

Loughlin’s daughter Olivia Jade applied for a trademark on some make-up products and her application was denied because she, among other things, misspelled “makeup”. Yeah. Via People:

The USPTO officials added, “Proper punctuation in identifications is necessary to delineate explicitly each product or service within a list and to avoid ambiguity. Commas, semicolons, and apostrophes are the only punctuation that should be used.”

The letter noted that the “identification of goods” she hopes to trademark “must be clarified” because the language “make up kits” with “moisturizer” and “concealer” is too broad. Products Olivia is looking to trademark include, “make up kits comprised of moisturizer, primer, concealer, foundation, make-up powder, make-up pencils, eye make-up, eyeshadow, eye liner, mascara, blush, highlighter, bronzer, make-up setting spray lipstick lip gloss, lip stains, make-up remover.”

It is a real shame that Olivia never went to a place where they taught you how to use commas, semicolons and apostrophes. Like some sort of snooty private school or one of the top colleges in the country.

But honestly, Olivia Jade didn’t need to go to school to learn how to write so that her trademark request didn’t get rejected. She’s rich; what she needed was to hire a trademark lawyer to review her application before she sent it in. And if she did hire one of those, she needs to hire a litigator to sue said trademark lawyer for being bad at his job. Why even bother to send this dullard to college at all, much less go to the extent of bribing a rowing coach to get her into one of the top schools in the country. Well, there was a really interesting opinion piece on that in The New York Times Magazine that explains the mindset, and it’s because getting her kids into USC made Lori Loughlin think she was a good mother.

They did not wind up raising enviable, academically extraordinary children, but they’ve fudged the results so they can drop “U.S.C.” in conversations instead of “A.S.U.” Some went to comical lengths to hide these interventions from their children, while others, including Olivia’s parents, supposedly involved the kids, letting them know the exact distance between what they were getting and what they deserved. When these parents celebrated their success, you might imagine they were reacting not with pride but with relief: They had managed to prevent their kids from messing up the paths they had planned for them.

You can buy your way into school, but you can’t buy your way into talent. For example, Rod Stewart’s daughter Kimberly Stewart went to an elite prep school and then spent years and years training with some of the best acting coaches in the world, and that work paid off for her in the form of a guest spot on a sitcom that didn’t last an entire season and a James Toback movie. After that she did what she and Olivia Jade should have done from the beginning and became a “socialite,” which is a polite term for “idle rich” like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. It’s basically the only thing they’re qualified to do.

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