Scary Spice and Sexy Spice Banged And I Just Don’t Know How to Process That

You know, normally stories about musicians’ sex lives are super depressing and illegal and there’s nothing sexy about them. But finally we’ve gotten some good pop star sex news that’s sexy and wholesome and frankly way better than when David Bowie and Mick Jagger took a break from banging teenage girls and doing cocaine to do each other and cocaine. If you’re trying to picture that, I think we all know Bowie was the top.

Mel B, also known as Scary Spice, told Piers Morgan and the masturbating public that she had sex with Geri Halliwell, also known as Sexy Spice and then Ginger Spice after she started getting on in years. Emma Bunton should consider that, too. Baby Spice isn’t a great alias when your face has a murder of crows’ feet on it. Behold the Ravages of Time Spice is a bit of a mouthful. Anyway, this is worrying news for me because I’m just getting over a cold and I don’t know if I have enough tissues left to handle it.

Stand-up comic and Cumtown host Stavros Halkias best captured the general feelings of the moment in a brilliant tweet.

Here’s what Mel told Piers Morgan, via The Daily Mail:

‘She (Geri) is going to hate me for this because she is all posh in her country house and her husband, but it’s a fact. It just happened and we just giggled at it and that was it.

‘She had great boobs,’ Mel dished before confirming to Piers that it was only the one time that it had happened.

Piers delightedly expressed: ‘This is a bombshell. A Spice Girls bombshell. You have never admitted this before have you? People are going to be fascinated!’

Piers then probably added something creepy about their feet. I don’t know, but it’s entirely in line with who Piers Morgan is.

The Mail went on to say that Mel made a panicked call to Geri to apologize afterwards because apparently her husband thought she was a virgin when they got married or something and everyone was afraid he’d be really mad because I guess he’s some sort of uptight homophobe or something. The source they quoted even used the term “Stepford Wife.” Sounds like a real winner. Still, even that can’t ruin the sheer hotness of this story.

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