ESC

Someone is Out There Trying To Get a Real Life Game of ‘Fortnite’ Going

The biggest trend in video games right now is battle royale games, named after the 2000 Japanese thriller Battle Royale about a group of students abducted by the government and forced to fight to the death on a remote island until only one remains alive. If you’ve never seen it, it’s an amazing film that manages to be truly chilling in ways slasher and torture porn movies have never accomplished.

Battle royale games like PUBG and Fortnite follow the formula of the movie, throwing players onto an environment that’s usually an island to fight to the death. Unlike arena shooters such as Halo and Overwatch, you don’t respawn in a battle royale, once you die you’re out and the last man standing wins.

Some rich dickhead with no common sense saw all of this and thought to himself “This would be a cool thing to actually do.” So he did what you’d expect and posted a request for an event planner to throw together this remote-island weekend of people-hunting on Hush Hush, which is kind of like AliExpress for the kind of people that Maximilien Robespierre would have marched straight from their laptop to the guillotine.

We’re looking for someone who can help design the arena for a 100-person battle royale inspired event. With a £1,500 day rate and an expected six-week project duration, we’re expecting the competition to be fierce for the £45,000 contract!

I already hope whoever wrote this is the first one killed on this island.

We were approached by one of our customers, who was on the lookout for a private island, for help in setting up the championship. We will also be handling registrations for the event when the time comes. Contestants will be provided with Airsoft guns, ammo and touch-sensitive body armour for a three-day event. The ‘last person standing’ will win a £100,000 jackpot. As it is currently planned, the event is intended to last three days, with 12 hours of competition each day. Competitors will then camp for the night. Food, camping gear and all the necessary equipment will be provided.

Okay, so they’re not actually killing each other, but there’s no way at least some of these people don’t die, right? Someone’s going to get eaten by a bear or shanghaied by Fyre Festival survivors or something, I’m sure.

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