Sparkly Vampire Robert Pattinson Will Be Your Next Batman

Robert Pattinson has always been known as that sparkly vampire from Twilight. Now he’ll be Batman in Matt Reeve’s The Batman which starts pre-production this summer.

I’m not how I feel about this. He’s got that brooding thing down. But it’s more of a teenage puberty brooding rather than old man dealing with the darkest parts of Gotham brooding. He’s more of a slamming the bedroom door shut on his parents type of superhero than a take on criminal masterminds kind of superhero. Let’s see how he stacks up against previous Batmans. I’m going to skip the TV Batmans and focus just on the movies.

Michael Keaton – Batman (1989)

This was Tim Burton’s Batman. While his vision wasn’t exactly tit for tat with the comics, it turned out to be really good anyway. Especially Batman Returns which is an amazing version of Batman.

Val Kilmer – Batman Forever (1995)

Honestly, Val Kilmer’s Batman wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great either but as a kid, it was a sort of fun ride. Pretty much like all Joel Schumacher movies at the time.

George Clooney – Batman & Robin (1997)

Batman’s nipples killed the Batman franchise. What an awful movie. It took 8 years to recover from this abortion.

Christian Bale – Batman Begins (2005)

Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale’s Batman was what the world was waiting for. Someone who could brood better than anyone else and who was willing pump himself with enough HGH to at least look like he could fight a normal sized man.

Ben Affleck – Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Ben Affleck’s Batman was probably the most indifferent Batman. This Batman just lumbered around on screen waiting for his paycheck.

Where Robert Pattinson ranks in this list right now is probably somewhere between Val Kilmer and George Clooney. Hopefully his batsuit nipples will be extra perky.

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