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Ted Cruz, America’s Least-Popular Politician, Wants to Protect Us From Space Pirates

A few weeks ago, there was a feel-good story about a letter New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern wrote to a girl who had sent her a five-dollar bill and asked her to investigate dragons. Ardern returned the money and hand-wrote a note on the letter saying she’s keep an eye out for dragons. This happened a few days before the penultimate episode of Game of Thrones, so… you really dropped the ball there, Jacinda.

It’s cute the way other countries have politicians who humor children like this as opposed to America where we elect them to high office. Take, for example, Ted Cruz, the Texas senator who no one likes. He’s the least-popular senator in the country, a sentiment probably best summed up by former senator Al Frankin, who is still more popular than Ted Cruz even after resigning from the Senate in disgrace after being accused of groping multiple women. Here’s what Frankin said about Cruz in his book Al Franken, Giant of the Senate.  “Here’s the thing you have to understand about Ted Cruz. I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz.”

That’s a ringing endorsement right there. But I don’t get the hatred because Cruz, like that little girl in New Zealand, is protecting us from very real threats. In Cruz’s case, it’s Space Pirates.

Yes, Ted Cruz is rallying the people against the very real threat of Captain Harlock and his ilk.

Here’s what Cruz said in the Senate, according to the BBC.

During a hearing of the Senate Subcommittee on Aviation and Space on Tuesday, Mr Cruz said: “Since the ancient Greeks first put to sea, nations have recognised the necessity of naval forces and maintaining a superior capability to protect waterborne travel and commerce from bad actors.

“Pirates threaten the open seas, and the same is possible in space.

“In this same way, I believe we too must now recognise the necessity of a Space Force. To defend the nation, and to protect space commerce and civil space exploration.”

Space pirates. Even Elon Musk was dunking on this guy.

Can you imagine being so terrible you make Elon Musk look like the good guy?

There was a whole Twitter moment about it, which Cruz was really mad about.

To be fair, Cruz’s space pirates thing is only the second dumbest thing a politician has said about space because a  candidate for Massachusetts ‘ 8th congressional district said she was worried people could drop rocks on the Earth from the moon.

By the way, how mad was Ted Cruz about getting dunked on by basically all of Twitter? Roughly this mad.

Cruz justified this saying China and Russia are developing weapons to shoot down satellites, but that just proves Cruz doesn’t know the difference between space pirates and space privateers.

Can you even believe that week where people thought Beto O’Rourke was a serious politician even after losing to this guy actually happened?

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