ESC

Do You Want to Hear About Jesus While You Jack Off to Feet? Then Do We Have The YouTube Channel For You!

A long, long time ago I clicked on one of those Dr. Pimple Popper videos on YouTube. To this day I still get recommendations for gross medical stuff even though I basically only use YouTube to watch Binging With Babish and JonTron. So this story is about to utterly blow up their algorithm for the rest of my life which is fine because it is the most insane content I’ve ever seen. I am of course talking about the Foot Missionary Queen YouTube channel where a woman reads scripture to foot fetishists who are jacking off to her feet. Yeah, buckle up.

Seriously, this is a real thing. Here’s a video of her explaining why Halloween is bad while letting dudes jack off to her feet.

By the way, if it’s at all possible the comments on this video are crazier than the actual content. I’m going to print a few with the names redacted so as to not embarrass horny YouTube spazzes.

Hello, I have been circumcised since June as a symbol of respect for women because I like feet
Trick or treat, Can I Smell your Barefeet ?

This next one is super off the wall.

I would really love to get you into the fetish of having your soles and toes vacuumed. I assure you would love the gentle cool suction sensation on your lovely soles. I do hope you will try it and see for yourself on how sensuous it will feel for you. I am hoping that you vacuum your house in bare feet and after you are finished cleaning, look at your soles for any loose dirt and debris that is stuck to your soles and gently run the vacuum nozzle all over your toes, soles and heels. I am sure you will be very pleasantly surprised on how amazing it will feel for you. :)

I don’t know what’s going on here and I don’t want to know. I mean, I do a little, but I’m sure once I do know I’m going to wish I didn’t. There’s clearly an unknown junction of “I want to fuck feet” and “I want to fuck a vacuum cleaner” that I didn’t know existed until right this second.

Also, anyone want to take bets on when Quentin Tarantino and Mark Wahlberg team up to make a big screen adaptation of this? It’s still probably less weird than the church Chris Pratt goes to, though.

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