Kevin Spacey Accuser Says Spacey Grabbed His Dick Eight Times

If we know one thing about Kevin Spacey, it’s that he loves grabbing dicks. If there was a dick grabbing Olympiad, Kevin would have the Gold and the Silver and the Bronze. He would be in the Hall of Fame. He would be on Wheaties boxes. Harry Caray would call him champ in interviews if he hadn’t died in 1998. He would float like a butterfly and grab dicks like a masseuse in a Florida strip mall.

Here’s an example of what I mean. Kevin Spacey is currently on trial for sexually assaulting a young man who texted his girlfriend and said that Spacey “grabbed my dick like 8 times,” according to documents revealed by TMZ.

The alleged victim texted his girlfriend … Spacey, “grabbed my dick like 8 times”, “pulled my zipper down”, and “reached down my pants.” The man ends the convo by writing, “Kevin Spacey is gay.”

See, he can’t stop grabbing dicks.

Spacey’s lawyers say the texts appear to pick up mid-conversation, beginning with the man telling his then-GF, Spacey’s, “hanging around me in the bar. He got my number and asked me to come out with him.” The girlfriend replies, “Sounds like he’s hitting on you.”

Wow, thanks for the update, girlfriend. You think the guy who grabbed my dick eight times might be into me? This is like going up to someone getting a blowjob, gesturing to the woman giving it and saying “I think she’s into you, dude!”

I’m really curious about what Kevin Spacey’s accuser might have said here that would exonerate Spacey. Do they think that between the texts about how he can’t get Spacey to stop grabbing his dick he was like “It’s really awesome, sorry babe, I’m gonna f**k Kevin Spacey then have him arrested in 3 years, LOL”? Because I really doubt that.