R. Kelly Cannot Fly, Request for Bond…Denied!

Hey, more pedophile news. This time for R. Kelly. He’s trapped in jail. Probably for a while.

Kelly pleaded not guilty today to child pornography, five counts of enticement of a minor to engage in criminal sexual activity and one count of conspiracy to obstruct justice. Whew, that’s a mouthful.

His attorney, Steve Greenberg, argued for bond, saying Kelly wasn’t a flight risk:

“Unlike his most famous song, ‘I Believe I Can Fly,’ Mr. Kelly doesn’t like to fly.”

That’s rather glib. My client is accused of teenage sex, let me do a callback to one of his greatest hits.

Greenberg went on to say:

“The money’s in concerts and he doesn’t play concerts these days.”

Not just glib, but also a commentary on the state of music today. Great.

Also, now that he’s jail, how’s Kelly gonna post on Instagram? Dude hasn’t been active since April.