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The ‘Cats’ Trailer is Here and – OH GOD NO! Burn It! Burn It With Cleansing Fire!

I’m going to be real with you here for a minute; I knew the Cats movie was going to bad. I warned you it was going to be bad. Basically no matter what they did it was going to be bad because Cats the musical is already bad. But even I didn’t expect it to be this bad.

If this doesn’t become the most disliked video on YouTube I’m changing my opinion on the Ghostbusters trailer.

What’s with Jellicle Taylor Swift acting all sexy? Am I supposed to want to fuck Taylor Swift as a cat? Because I don’t even hate myself enough to want to fuck Taylor Swift as a human.

Seriously, no one likes Cats. The people in Cats don’t even like Cats, they just couldn’t get cast in one of those shitty jukebox musicals like Jersey Boys, an experience that’s almost as good as staying home and listening to The Best of the Four Seasons on Spotify.

Well, okay, one person likes Cats.

When people started tweeting about how Donald Trump loves Cats I thought it was a joke because of how terrible the trailer looks but it’s true.

Yeah, by the way, while you were all writing articles about Idris Elba should be the next James Bond, he was doing this. You Still want that? You want to live in a world where James Bond and M were both shitty CGI cats? I don’t want to live in that world. It’s bad enough Magneto is in this. How am I supposed to watch Vicious and take Ian McKellan seriously as a bitter but ultimately good-hearted old gay man now that I’ve seen him like this?

I know I joke around a lot, but I want to say, seriously, from the bottom of my heart, that this movie is going to be terrible. There are so many good movies out there you probably haven’t seen. Have you seen Easy A? How about The Searchers? What about Rashomon? Toshiro Mifune acts like a cat in that, probably better than Dwight from The Office does, and you’ll understand the structure of so many TV sitcoms after you see it. Yeah, there was a Rashomon episode of Everybody Loves Raymond and you didn’t even realize it. Go see that instead of this, it’ll only cost you $4 and you won’t want to claw your eyes out afterwards.

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